Checking in with myself this cold Monday morning. I feel much better than I have done having left Will in a reasonable mood, although getting that acknowledged is like getting blood out of a stone. I wish I could just let it all go, accept that this will always be something that irritates me but I suppose I'm still struggling to process... Everything. I'm really struggling with the idea of us being together 'always' so, I'm just taking it day by day for now. I suppose nothing is 'always' anyway, in some ways that gives comfort. It also makes me sad because I don't want that thought to encroach all my thoughts, time flies by, I'm sure it'll be something I regret feeling when all is said and done.
Yesterday we were at his parents house and had a really lovely meal. Wills mum is so great with Ru and he really enjoys being there with them. Every time we're all together gives me insight into the 'whys' of Will, so it's good to do. They do things in a different way, show love differently, conversations are usually politically charged or a bit boastful, emotions and more personal subjects are skirted around and avoided. They're all very quick to move on where things could be opened up and explored more, in my opinion. I try and be as open as I can when there which I think his mum appreciates although I'll bet when I leave they roll their eyes over something I said.
Hopefully my hormones will return to their normal levels soon and I'll start to feel more 'me' perhaps less irritable and less removed from the person I used to be. Maybe when I get time to reconnect with art and be in my own space, that will help too. Little by little.
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