I didn't fancy listening to music today, instead I just wanted to listen to the world around me. I woke up feeling anxious for the week ahead. I still don't really feel settled in my new job, probably because there's just so much to learn and so much of it you do while feeling uncomfortable and uncertain of your own ability. I know it takes months to feel as though things properly click into place but I'm inpatient with myself and just want to know what I'm doing. I'll just have to wait and see how things go.
Will is back from his holidays now, he had a great time. I'm glad he did but I'm glad it's over. I'm not sure what's next on the calendar to look forward to. My birthday is in two weeks or so, I feel a little mixed about it really.
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I had some vivid dreams about past lovers last night. I woke up with them on my mind and how as daft as it sounds, I miss those times. I know that when I was living them, I was a mess and all I wanted was to have some stability in my life. I suppose it's natural to miss times that seem to far away now.
I'm not enjoying work at all. I'm nearly finished training but I'm not answering phone calls on my own and it's a terrifying, uncomfortable state to be in - people wanting answers and me, fumbling about trying to get them, and not very successfully at that. I just, hate it. I'm trying to deal with it call by call but urgh, it's just horrible. I know this is what new jobs are like but, it really is a tiring, gruleing affair. Hopefully I'll get into the swing of it eventually. And if not, well its only a couple more months to go then I'll have a break away from it. So, that's helping me get through for now. But my god, I just want to run away.
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