07.05.22

I can't believe it's been over 16 weeks now. To be honest, I still feel as though I'm wrapping my head around everything that's happened during the past few months.

I had a realisation that this is what life is, 'a series of moments.' You spend time focusing/worrying/preparing for an event in the distance, thinking that once you've achieved it/got through it that then everything will be okay. But what actually happens is that the moment comes, goes and then you're focusing on the next thing. And before you know it, a year has gone by. But all that being said, we're gradually getting settled in the house. Lots of priming, painting, moving one furniture item from one room to another, draining the savings fund one transaction at a time. But it's nice, putting it all towards something that's ours.

We're gradually getting nursery together, too. Most of our family friends know now which is really lovely. Work however, don't, which is making me feel nervous and self conscious. But, I know in a couple of weeks I will need to tell them. And they encouraged pregnant people to apply, so I've always got that in my arson if need be. But hopefully it won't come to that. It's just the worry of judgement, or the whole 'oh, she'll be leaving in a couple of months, what's the point of teaching her this and this?' Because I am keen to do a good job and get properly stuck in. It's been a good first week, a little awkward at times, naturally. I'm looking forward to getting to know it better, there's so much to learn, it's a little overwhelming. But I'm sure in time it'll start to make sense. Or I won't feel so weird. Maybe I'll always feel weird. Probably.

I don't like having a secret.