16.03.22

Today marks day 3 of unemployment - I ended up quitting. It was absolutely the right thing to do, there was just no way I could have kept going on as I was, but now I'm without anything else lined up and it's a very uncomfortable feeling.

I know myself and know that I will do everything I can to get another job, for I do not want to be without one for long at all. But even though I know we've a plan of action, I still don't like it and feel as though everything is going wrong.

The house isn't looking promising. Soon we'll need to reapply for the mortgage which will now be difficult as I'm now not working. I wish I knew that it was expiring (Will forgot to mention this,) because I likely would have stayed but then again, perhaps then I'd feel trapped in that job with a house at risk. Whereas now we can get out if it seems like it's going to be too expensive for us - which it likely is.

I've been looking at rentals and even applied to look at some, I'm just keen to get things on the right track. But there's still a lot that could happen between now and the house falling through in a couple of weeks so we've agreed to hang fire until we know what's going on. Maybe we never will know, I feel as though we've been in the dark for months. It's tempting to think about how I should have stayed in London, but i know myself and know that 3 months into doing that godawful and eye-wateringly expensive commute would be killing my spirit. All for a company that didn't give a shit about me. No, I did do the right thing. I hope. But I don't like feeling out of control, especially while pregnant. I really don't want to be in Wills flat when they come along, I want to be in our own place, be it one that's ours or one that is us for a time until we find the right thing to own.

I'm waiting to hear back from an interview next week which went okay I think. I certainly don't feel I'd do anything differently, I did what I thought was best so if I don't get it, well at least I tried. It would be so good if I did though. If I do, it will mean having to decide sooner what we're going to do living wise, but maybe that's what needs to happen.

Ultimately, I know what will be will be. And that I'm only doing what I think is best with the information I have at the time. It's scary but at least we're together. Hopefully things will work out sooner rather than later.