01.02.22

Feel so fucking sad today. Perhaps it's yesterday catching up with me, I don't know but I just want to not be on the planet at all today. I don't know what I'm doing here. I don't feel as though I've made the right decisions and I'm having doubts as to the future in general. Why did I leave my cute little flat in North London and my highly regarded job for this load of crap? I'm forever tired with my emotions so close to the surface. I feel as though I'm going to burst into tears at any moment. Will doesn't give a shit, he's too wrapped up in the whole holiday-ex-invited drama and I really couldn't care less at this point, it's all stuff he should have dealt with at the time but didn't because he wants to be everyones friend all the time. He's so quick to be all 'whatever will be will be' about any slightly negative thing going on but it's so bluntly put it loses all meaning. Sometimes I think he says it to just shut me up, not because he sinserely means it. I don't know. He hasn't been sleeping so well recently so he's harsher than usual. I'm sure he's bored of hearing say the same old shit. I think I did too much over the weekend. Thankfully I'm not driving up to see him this time, he's got a heavy lads night apparently so I'll hang out with dad and get an early night instead - bliss. I think we'll be okay generally it's just times like these make me worry. I just don't think I can keep this commute up. I'm losing the will to hold my nerve.