Trying to do intermittent fasting. It's been a couple of weeks of varying success. Trying not to make a big deal out of it is hard because I want people to be aware of the discomfort I'm going through. I've been doing well within the time limits but binge terribly on awful things and it feels uncontrollable.
The good thing is now I've eaten those 'awful' things they will no longer be in my house to binge on once again. I've got to remember how terrible and guilty I felt afterwards and how only look down to my swollen belly to see the effects today.
Christ. I'm sure really I just need to exercise again and will quickly loose the stone I want to loose. Its been a year of basically hardly moving whereas before I was pretty active, so it makes complete sense. Why do I feel I'm punishing myself? It's a mixture of the punishment, guilt and reward, regret cycle and a test of resilience. I've done it before with success in the past, though without putting as much pressure on it.
I'm hoping by doing this it'll eventually stop me from binging so badly. Hopefully it'll shrink my stomach and I'll loose a little bit of excess weight.
I do feel like crying though. Like, properly balling my eyes out style of tears.
I'm on my way to having my haircut which I'm pretty excited for, hopefully that'll cheer me up a bit. I'll get home and prepare myself a nourishing meal which I'll eat reslly slowly and mindfully. God its going to be hard. How do I not force it down myself quickly in aid tonstop the awful weak feeling in my bones? I'm going to have to try.
Then I'll submerce myself in a film which will allow me space and time to cry and maybe let out these feelings. Then I'll have an early night. That's the plan.
Sigh.
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