I need to be kind to myself. I need to feel it and let these emotions flow out of me as it's the only way I'll be able to get through it and heal. I think I'm usually very quick to dismiss the feelings and the relationship, the love that was felt and jump into the next thing and I think that's where I go wrong.
I shouldn't feel ashamed of feeling sad, disappointed, unattractive, scared, afraid of losing someone close to me. I need to tap into the child in me who's hurting. The rejection, the not feeling good enough, the not sharing my voice when upset, my fear of rocking the boat and upsetting others...
Its easy for me to look around and see what I'm leaving behind, I'm turning a blind eye to the sadness, anger and frustration I felt before. Now everything seems lovely, and I'm wondering why I'm leaving. But I know that how I felt before will resurface because these things always do.
I've got to believe in my reasons for doing this, honour the love that I felt and the love I had for him. It was a risk, wearing your heart on your sleeve always leaves it open for hurt and letdown and that's what happened here.
It isn't right and soon, I'll start to feel better and more confident in my decision.
Sigh. These dang hormones.
Our beautiful Strudle. I miss him so much already.
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