27.12.20

I told him. He listened, he understood, he agrees that seperating is probably for the best. We both agreed that we had no regrets and had learned a lot from each other. I've experienced many wonderful things with him and will remember those times forever.

I cried such a lot, my head aches and my eyes are sore. Breakups are so, so hard, they never get any easier even if they're the right thing to do. I think the upset poured out of me from the previous bottled up occasions that couldn't be released at the time. It was also disappointment and fear. I'm so scared for what happens next. Leaving this nice warm flat we've called our home for a year into the unknown... I feel so scared. Before I felt excited, but now, I worry. I'm sure this will subside, time is the best healer. Plus, we want to be as civil as possible. He wants to remain friends and so do I. I said that I wanted him to keep Strudle, which surprised him. He said that if I'd said that I was taking him he wouldn't argue, but he would love to have him. I explained that I wanted what was best for the lil guy, and it made sense for him to stay while he figured out what he was going to do next. And if it transpired that he finds a flat thats great but doesn't accept pets, I'll take him back. I hope that's what will happen...but as he isn't working and will want the company, it makes sense. 

Sigh. 

I feel so terribly sad.

I dearly hope that this will be okay...