25.05.20

I am all cried out.
I feel so numb. When will this turmoil end? Does it ever?
I called the phone number and an appointment has been booked for tomorrow morning. I told Andy and he seemed relieved. To be honest, I did too. Suddenly I saw my life open back up again; the world was mine to explore once again, all the things I enjoy doing for fun suddenly seemed in reach. We spent the day walking and talking in the sunshine. He even talked about getting a cat.

Now it's evening I feel my mind changing once again. I want to keep it. I felt relief earlier but was that because I could see relief in Andy? Was it because it was a quick resolution to the problem?

I don't care that he's gone to his ex girlfriends now. It gives me some time to sit and cry in the bath. Perhaps I can draw up a pros and cons list. I know that my mind is allowed to change and I know this is my decision to make. I need to try and see through the madness and hear what I actually feel.

I wish I could talk to someone. I wish I could tell mum...