09.03.20

Feeling a little dazed after the weekend comedown. I can't believe it's Monday again, sigh.
But the sun is shining, hopefully it'll stay because my goodness it feels like i'm all I'm used to seeing is darkness and the rain. For some reason last month I got a bit carried away buying things I shouldn't and am suffering the consequences of these actions now. So i'm going to walk to and from work every day and not buy anything - for the entire week. I don't think i've ever gone a week without spending a penny before, such grand plans. No doubt by Wednesday morning I'll snooze my alarm to a 'fuck that' and an extra 45 mins of sleep. But I hope I can hold out until payday.
Living further out is certainly adding to the day. Getting any transport is stressful so I prefer to walk, but it takes a long time and it's tiring too. By the time I get home i'm tired and can't get anything else done. I'm sure I'll feel more positive about it all when the weather gets warmer and the days feel longer. But by the time the weekend rolls around all I want to do is sleep and eat rubbish.

This weekend was nice though, Andy was off too and we went out together on Saturday evening and went to a local club fun and soul night which was fun. The following day we spent it together laying on the sofa napping and watching daft reality TV shows. I felt bad that we didn't go out and do more with our time but he didn't seem to mind too much.

Whilst high on the Saturday night we ventured out, we listened to music, drank wine and just chatted the entire time. It is truly one of my favorite ways to spend time and I almost didn't want to go out at all, I could have easily have stayed home talking. He shared with me something he's never talked about before and I felt so happy that he was letting me in and felt ready to share. It was a spiritual experience when he was facing some of the worst demons imaginable. He hadn't been taking care of himself, taking too many drugs which he was using to process his mother dying and his dad leaving him and his sister to live with his new partner at the time. It breaks my heart hearing about his past, it's not something he talks about too often but when he does I can't help but think about how wonderful he is and what a credit he is to himself, for getting through such hard times at such an early age all on his own doing. It's so much for someone to experience so young, My eyes fill up with tears and my heart pours over with love. It's all I want to do - love him. I just never, ever want him to come close to feeling anything like that ever again in his life. He explained a life changing moment whilst meditating, one which was so profound it changed his outlook on life from that point on. He felt reassurance and comfort from what he could only describe as Angels right next to him and his dreams that followed were filled with similar wonderment. Some scary too.
I knew it was hard for him to open up about, because in the past he told some friends at the time who didn't take it well and thought he wasn't making a lot of sense. I suppose a lot of people would interpret it in that sort of way but when he explained how it all felt, how weird it sounded, none of it really surprised me. I knew from the moment I met him that he's a spiritual being and it's what drew me to him. He seems so open in that regard and some of it almost resonated with me too and I in turn shared some of my experiences from when I was young. It was a wonderful moment where I felt closer to him than ever before.
And we left for the night excited and happily chatting and dancing away.

I feel sad that it came to an end but look forward to the upcoming weekend already.