Thought I best check in with myself, see how I’m currently faring. Music still feels as though it’s too much to listen to right now, so I’ve taken to just popping the earphones in with nothing playing, just to dull some of the background noise.
I’ve taken solace in the nearby coffee shop on the corner, watching the world go by enduring a sudden downpour. I look at each person walk past and wonder what sorts of problems they are each going through, are any as bad as mine? Perhaps worse? Do they feel the same as me, lost, confused, anxious, numb? Maybe so. I suppose I’ve got to trust that they are, or at least a couple are so I don’t feel quite so alone.
I know that I’m not alone, and I know that there are plenty of people who would take the time to listen to me if I reached out, it’s just...I don’t feel as though I can. Even Andy, I know I could tell him anything it’s just, I still feel as though we’re at that stage where I want to impress him. There’s nothing impressive about being upset. But I know he wouldn’t agree. I’ve just got to let time do it’s thing, eventually we’ll get there, won’t we?
I suppose if we won’t, i’ll know what needs to be done. Back to the drawing board we’ll go. I mean, I don’t want to think like that - I need to respect this time of adjustment and ‘trust the process.’
Time marches on. I know at this point, I’ve got to look at this as a positive thing. I want to get well, get back to the place I was before. I don’t want to continue dwelling in this awful lull I appear to be in.
I just wonder what it is I’m doing here. Surely it isn’t to suffer like this, to worry or panic about whether I’m where I ought to be...
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