Home. The process has begun and I feel tremendously sad and scared. Not for the pain, but for the future.
This whole experience hasn't made me feel overly confident about mine and Andy's future.
The last thing I wanted to feel in this whole process, was alone. And he didn't once come to me. He really dropped the ball.
I know it's been an emotional rollacoaster for him too, but if he were in trouble, pain or sadness, I would drop everything and go to him instantly. Foolishly obviously.
I know I need to talk to him this evening, and share the way I feel but it won't be easy. It appears that on Sunday he'll be moving into my flat for a bit. I was looking forward to it before, but now, I'm not so sure.
I won't see him until 1am this evening, that's if I don't sleep through his call. I'm driving all the way to see him...why. Why is it always me going to him?
He's said that he's here for me and he's not going anywhere, but I don't feel it.
I just feel very sad right now, and emotional. I can't believe i've put myself through this again.
I'm so sorry.
I know I need to be kind to myself, but I also feel tremendously guilty and sad.
What am I doing?
No comments:
Post a Comment