I've been alternating so much today. One moment, I think about the life we could be saying goodbye to; the travelling, the freedom, the impulsiveness. The next, I feel only love and a tiny bit of excitement.
It's very easy to be given a piece of life changing news and start to feel potential opportunities slip away before they've even become reality. But who's to say that we would go and see the world, travel far and wide, do lots of impulsive things if we did choose to wait a few more years.
I did some awful reading up online about parents who regretted their decision to have children. It made me feel sick to my stomach, just thinking of Andy reading something like it and swaying his opinion on the matter. But I don't honestly believe i'd feel that way. In fact, i've known i've wanted children for a very long time.
I can't stop thinking about him, and what this would do to his life.
I can't ignore the fact that if he was happy, I would be.
If I end it, will I regret it?
I suppose there's no way of knowing. He could leave me regardless of what I choose.
I felt so much better about it all last night after speaking to Ed, and Andy. He surprised me with a phonecall and we talked about him moving into mine for a short spell while he works out what he's going to do living-wise. He did sound a little panicked, but we shared some laughs too and by the end of the call he said i'd helped put his mind at ease.
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