PATHETIC.
I’m so pathetic. Why can’t I just...is this really living my life?
I think I’ll need to listen to comedy and comedy only too, I feel so numb. The only emotion that’s seeping through is sadness.
Just when I think we’re making some sort of progress, I’m then left feeling...empty.
I know I’ve just got to trust the process, trust him, trust that everything’s okay and that I’m sure the way I feel now is the same as EVERY other time. But why can’t I get used to it?
I suppose I feel a little more security in that we’ve booked to go away together but who knows, perhaps I’ll end up going on my own...
I texted him something friendly but brief to ask if he was free this evening. I hate that I did. But, I want to see him, so I did it. I want him asking me...fuck these games. When I left on Monday I did suggest doing something this evening, he seemed for the idea but, I don’t know.
I just don’t fucking know what’s going on.
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