'So you're boyfriend and girlfriend then?' the friendly, coked up 21 year old lad asked Andy as the music paused a moment. It was a gift from god. It caught us both off guard so much we both made the same 'uhhh,' noise and looked at each other a little awkwardly. It was a great question, and I liked that someone so innocent asked something that's been on the tip of my tongue for months now. But neither of us brought it up again. I kinda regret that I didn't because it would have been such an easy little moment but it didn't seem the right time somehow, what with all the alcohol drunk and the pounding, surrounding drum and bass. But I actually didn't mind, because he didn't say 'haha god no,' or something equally non-committal and we spent the rest of our evening looking at each other smiling, exchanging a few lil kisses here and there, walking back to the tube station hand in hand. For once, I felt confident in who we were in that moment, it had been such an amazing day.
It was a day festival he'd booked a while ago and bought me a ticket to join him after I expressed an interest in the sound of it. I know nothing about the drum and bass genre, only that I need better education in it and certainly appreciate elements of it. But I know it's something Andy loves so when I learned that we were going together, I was really excited. It was so, incredibly hot and we stood in line with the sunshine beating down on our heads. I could tell he was a little apprehensive as you couldn't ignore the younger soon to be audience popping pills, snorting powders, beetroot red in revealing outfits. But I didn't mind, I was expecting it. It was authentic! I felt bad that perhaps it was something he'd have liked to have dabbled in too but because I was there, he didn't. But when we got tipsy and talked a bit about it later in the eve, he didn't admit this. Of course, i'm glad. I didn't want to join in on any of it, it didn't look the least bit inviting. Instead we smoked cigarettes and drunk vodka redbulls and I spent...far too much money. I know we had some amazing conversations that are currently lost in the alcohol induced haze but i'm sure they'll return. We ordered pizza when we got back home and carried on chatting away on the sofa. I never seem to run out of things to say when I'm with him.
I actually met some of his friends from home, which was a very interesting experience. They were familiar sorts of people, the sort I feel i've met before; brash, loud but generous and funny. A girl stumbled over to him yelling his name and showered his face with kisses. We latched onto them for a polite hour or two and I took in how he interacted with the (in the nicest possible way,) misfits. Suddenly I felt as though I was back at 6th form, hanging around with the gang who were by no means cool, but approachable, much like the friends I used to have. I instantly felt a fondness for them all. I liked how Andy still wanted to include me and never left my side. I can't remember the things I spoke to the girls about but I remember laughing a lot. I could tell he wanted to leave, perhaps I thought I did but he thanked me for being cool and easygoing and I liked that he was pleased with how I'd handled it. I was just happy to be with him, I want to find out more about him and his life, and this weekend I felt like I've learned even more.
We wandered over the headliner
The following day I was hit with the hangover and my period (bittersweet,) so I was exhausted in the continuing heat but we made our way to his where we ordered food and watched YouTube on his bedroom floor. We snuggled and chatted, we then wandered to the park to amble and chat some more. He showed me photos of his mum and talked more about his childhood, I could have easily have cried. I told him I was sorry that he went through it, that although these experiences make you who you are and that he was wonderful, nobody should have to go through them, especially a child.
We wandered back to his, he said he'd like to show me around where he grew up, to which I excitedly agreed. I laughed at the idea of showing him my hometown, but I'd like to. Already I can picture us walking along by the sea hand in hand, just talking and talking.
When we got back to his we watched comedy and he then played me some of his music, which were incredible pieces of work. I was and still am, in complete awe. I couldn't contain my excitement, and I loved how he went from track to track, explaining a bit about each one, which ones he liked and some that he didn't. I said he should keep at it, that it was too good not to put out into the world. I wasn't sure if I saw tears in his eyes but he certainly smiled, I hope that he will.
We booked a little getaway next month and I absolutely cannot wait. Perhaps maybe then i'll bring up 'so, are we...a lil more than dating now?' or something less cheesy. But does it really matter anyway? I've other things on my mind sending my anxiety through the roof...
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