It has been a full weekend. I feel happy at this moment but know that in a few hours it'll all start to catch up with me.
I'm in a happy sort of daze, and right now, it's a comfortable sense of content.
On Friday I went to his after work and he came to meet me at the station. We ambled along the highstreet and popped into a pizza place for dinner and caught up on our weeks. We shared a couple of cocktails but then found it started to get loud so we decided to leave to amble somewhere else. Rain cascaded down suddenly so we took shelter in the cinema and had a glass of wine while we waited for it all to pass. We then ambled back to his and drank Rose whilst listening to 80s music chatting on his kitchen floor. It was such fun, and when we slinked off tipsily to his bedroom it felt as though we were closer than ever, music playing, feeling so very connected. I had to get up early the following morning feeling a little worse for wear and headed back to mine ready to drive back to see my mum and stepdad for the day.
I had a wonderful day, but it was very full-on. As ridiculous as it sounds though, the highlight of the day was seeing Andy appear at my door after I got home. He was full of chat and excitement, and although I was so tired, we drank wine on the balcony in our usual fashion until the small hours, just talking about life in general, our families, our beliefs, just so easy to let it all flow without judgement, just, natural. It was a little chilly and windy plus I felt my eyes sting with tiredness, so we turned to bed. The following Morning we slowly awoke gradually and got ready for the day festival ahead where we'd meet my brother. We bought some tinned premixed cocktails for the journey and where i'd planned not to drink at all, I actually got pretty tipsy and we all danced together in the sunshine which soon set. It was wonderful, I had such a fantastic time. I tipsily bopped along happily just...loving life. At that particular moment, a comet could have fallen out of the sky and landed straight onto me, wiping me out and I wouldn't have cared. That could have been my last breath, and i'd have no regrets.
The more I learn about him, the more I love him. And I know that's intense and it's daft because the things i'm learning are more stories from his troubled past. There's so much I'm still to learn, of course. But I find them so fascinating. Of course I'm cautious that these tenancies might still be ingrained within him but how am I to know, and who am I to judge? Nobody is perfect...
That evening we are pizza watching a TV show I never thought we'd end up watching (Queer Eye,) thoroughly feel good and uplifting and I nodded off on his shoulder. As we chatted, ate, kissed, cuddled, it could well have been the alcohol and tiredness but as he looked at me I could have sworn I saw love in his eyes. I felt a little reflection, the way I hoped I looked at him back at me.
I'm sure i'm wrong, seeing what I wanted to see. Soon I will need to stop typing this way, before it gets drastically out of hand and I start blowing things out of proportion. I know i've said it (all) before but I know that memories like this are so important and so easy to forget about as time marches on. These are easily some of the best times of my life with someone I could never have dreamed of meeting, I want to have these somewhere at least, to read back on during darker times or perhaps times where things are different. I'm trying so hard not to be cynical but, he could suddenly disappear and leave me...
Still feeling very tired, have been behaving rather recklessly. I'm not sure why but i'm just, accepting of this and willing to just go with the flow. I know that's not my call to make. I'll just cross that bridge when I come to it.
Who knows. Perhaps later i'll be able to type something that makes a little more sense!
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