It's so, so hard...but i'm trying to enforce a new personal mantra. Perhaps if I tell myself enough, i'll actually start to believe it. Maybe one day it'll naturally be my attitude, it won't even take any effort for me to think it.
You're doing your best, that's all you can do. Trust that everything will be okay, it will all fall into place as it should.
I'm so tired of worrying and working myself into a panic. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. Every single person is different, Andy is busy and doesn't have time to send me reams of words multiple times of day as Josh did, but when he does, they are lovely messages that are considerate, ask lots of questions and are complimentary. They are reassuring and perfectly in keeping with 'where we are' (i'm not sure what that means, but I suppose during this 'dating' period?) I suppose i'm not used to the more relaxed approach and it seems I've developed a habit of wanting to rush into things really quickly so it's tough fighting these natural instincts - to fear the worst if I've heard nothing, to want to arrange something immediately, to start questioning 'what are we? Where is this going?' as soon as I feel love brewing in my heart. But, I don't feel as though Andy is relaxed in his approach to dating in general, and I certainly don't think he's seeing other people. I mean, he hasn't said this to me of course, nor have I asked, but I know he thinks a lot about relationships and takes them seriously. Perhaps i'm being too kind assuming this, and he's playing me against other potential dates. No, I'm sure he'd tell me if he wasn't looking to carry things on.
He is a mature, deep and thoughtful. And if he and I are meant to be, it'll be worth the wait.
I'm actually rather enjoying trimming down the remaining apps, cooling off messaging other guys - it was stressing me out far too much. My time was just full of messaging constantly and it was too much.
I'm going to direct my energy towards just this one person for the time being and see where it leads. As my brother has reminded me before, it's not just about me trying to impress them, it's about them impressing me too. If i'm not feeling it for whatever reason, I don't have to keep on.
I'm going to use my new periods of free time to paint and draw...I'm working on a new piece to hopefully give to Andy once it's complete.
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