So the real 'blast from the past' guy who hopped back into my life yesterday afternoon which I got all excited about is welcome to hop straight back out again. With every exchange we have I realise more and more why nothing ever materialized. I thought he was cute and I should have let it stay this way in my memory because he's actually pretty simple and blunt. I feel like i've met his type before, a wannabe comedian sort who's studying to be lawyer with a right chip on their shoulder and likes to say things how they are. Yeah, I don't have time for that. 'Isn't that like really hipster?' about where I live (which is incorrect,) and trying desperately to cobble together conversation about travelling, his response to my desire to see India was 'You do realise it's half glitz, half people dying the street, right?' Cheers for that mate.
Ah well, it's all a part of the process. I don't care because i've more worries on my mind.
Josh dropped into conversation that he was with his ex girlfriend for 12 years. Twelve. That is such a significant chunk of time. He offered this information by his own accord, I didn't pry too much. He said that he didn't know why it went on for as long as it did, that they both knew they weren't right for each other, that they would have ended it sooner if they weren't both nice. But still, it just makes me feel a bit sick. I mean, I can't compete with that. This makes me a rebound.
The thing is, on the one hand I don't much mind. I'm hardly looking to go hurtling into a full-blown relationship right now, and I enjoy his company and we're enjoying each other. He doesn't make me feel uneasy like Phil did, that underlying feeling that it was all too good to be true and that the end was approaching. But, I do fear that a point will come where he'll say the whole 'i'm not looking for anything serious' type of line. He's an intense guy though and he seems pretty keen on me. I mean, that was all in the past, it did end, in many ways it's none of my business. He and his ex do still have their flat though so, it's not all over exactly. Sigh. I don't know. I just feel uncomfortable about it.
I suppose it's pointless worrying about it. I should be concerned when he gives me reason to. We're still just dating, I mean, all of that shouldn't even enter the equation until big-talk is happening and hey - it might never get to this point. I suppose I have no idea what he wants, I mean, I could be wrong. Why on earth should I try and guess this anyway? I've no doubt he'll tell me if it comes up along the way. So what they were together a long time? It doesn't necessarily mean that things won't work out for that reason. I've just go to be easy and go with the flow.
So, in that vein, i've the last date for a while with someone new. We were going to meet a couple of weeks ago but work/family arrangements etc meant we couldn't get a day we could both do. So, although I feel like I should give it a miss what with becoming more entangled with Josh recently, a bit of me feels I owe it to John to meet and have a nice evening getting to know each other. I've enjoyed our messages, he seems interesting and he seems interested in what i'm about too. I just get a nice feel from him, but of course we'll see if that comes across in person. I do feel a little guilty, eventhough I know i'm not doing anything wrong exactly. I just don't believe that Josh is doing the same thing.
I reckon it's safe to assume that me and Josh are just sex for the time being. He's very excited about exploring all this new stuff and I'm happy to be a guide, as ridiculous as that sounds. It's nice to help someone learn new things about themselves. I'm sure i'll build up his confidence nicely to a point where he'll move on to someone new.
Harsh, I know - and cynical! But, i'm just putting it out there now so when it does come to it, I'll find comfort in telling myself that I knew it all along...
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