No Subject

You only live once. You only get one body. I only get one shot at being ‘me’ on this day, in this year of 2019. It won’t be long until I’ll be welcoming in another one, the rate these weeks are flying past and it saddens me how many of these hours I’ve spent fretting, worrying, anxious and on edge. Of course, there’s plenty to be worrying about, but then as an adult - there always is.
I don’t want to be looking at my young, innocent grandchildren one day who beam at me with their bright eyes, wishing I’d spent less of this time wishing away time! It isn’t time well spent, I know it.
Now, this has probably come from a post work-out session. I’ve endorphins coursing through my veins and suddenly my mind feels clear. And I’m typing this as a positive contrast to my dreary, desperate entires of confusion and fear. There is hope deep within me, and I won’t let me take this situation lying down.

When I first met Mike, I soon realised that he was something special and not be let go of. It’s been twice now I’ve tested us and I realise this more than ever. Never will I disrespect him again. He’s not foolish, he can read me very well and he knew I’d lied and met with Chris instead of staying in as I said - the look he gave me with tears running down his face, I won’t ever forget.
I shouldn’t let myself get carried away with the memories of the past. I had a wonderful time when I was with Chris again, we always do, but I don’t honestly feel we’re as compatible a match as I believe we are. I’m with someone now, who wants a life with me, who loves me, who wants the same things as I do. Why don’t I believe I deserve those things?