We’re meeting for lunch and then to see where the day takes us. I mean, I don’t mean to be coy about this, I think we’ve a good idea as we booked a hotel on Thursday for this evening and plan on catching a movie too. I’m looking forward to it but I am nervous about how I’ll feel when I see him. What if all this topsy turvy turn of emotions recently has blotted my desire for him? I suppose we never really lost it, it’s not like I gained it for someone else. But I worry it’ll be awkward. But the phone call was really nice, we talked more than we ever have on the phone before and it was nice to hear him be frank, mature and thoughtful - as I predicted. It made the idea of losing him hard to bear. Why throw something away before giving it the opportunity to flourish? That’s not to say that it definitely will, but, I know full well that my unhappiness at the flat is affecting my judgement calls. I felt frustrated at the house, the occupants, my job, my colleagues, my relationship and how claustrophobic it was becoming when everything else felt as though it was towering above me. It wasn’t my best decision to end things with Mike on the off chance that me and Chris would meet to give things another go...I mean, that makes no sense. I got carried away with the memory of us over the reality that we were stale. We’d given up. There were chances that him and me could have tried to save it, but we didn’t. I think he’s seeing his friends start to settle down and wishes we were still together to try and do those things. But, I need to remember what I did which I vowed I’d never do again. I want this relationship with mike to be different. I don’t want to end up like we were.
Dreams by Fleetwood Mac plays, I stand and wait.
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