New endings

So, I called him and...it appears as though we're ending. My god. Just like that. I can hardly believe it.
Tears are still in my eyes, I cried a lot and i'm sure I will more. He's so lovely and he doesn't deserve me. He hasn't done anything wrong - we're just incompatible? Perhaps we are really and my judgement has been clouded and i've just made a massive mistake.
I feel sick. I feel terrible. I feel numb. It is surreal. I am worried.
I thought he was my future and I just threw it all away...

It wasn't really the conversation I had planned, but he could tell something was up. He said I hadn't seemed myself since November. I said that there was a lot going on in my life suddenly which made me anxious and on edge and constantly apologizing for my up and down moods. He was aware of all of this, and said he was sorry that he wasn't there for me more. These are all true things...
I just feel so completely and utterly sorry. I know that we weren't together for very long, but he had quickly become an enormous part of my life and as much as he was intense, I fell for him quickly. I do love him...


We're going to talk again in a couple of days, after letting things sink in a bit, to see if we still feel like this is a good idea. I wonder how I'll feel tomorrow? I'm already tempted to take another day off work so I don't have to share this news with anyone.


As I dried my puffy red eyes in the bathroom mirror, a little voice inside me told me not to lose hope. Even in the darkest times i've been able to rely on hope to get me through, I really need to concentrate on my inner strength and work through this and come out of the other side...

I really am in disbelief. I thought we'd live together. But something wasn't right...