7 whole days

Thursday is here and it marks the one week milestone since I vouched to not eat any more chocolate. Seven consecutive days isn't a long time by any stretch but, it's possibly the longest i've gone for a good decade or more, and for that I feel rather proud. It is a small win, but a win all the same. And surprisingly, I do feel much better. I think my mood has picked up considerably and i'm feeling far better internally compared to how I felt a couple of weeks ago.
I'm sure it's not strictly the cutting of cocoa, it's probably a myriad of different factors that have helped with this; the increase of exercise (I feel this has definitely impacted my mood significantly,) the fiber capsules and the cutting out of something I originally ate in excess, which has been linked with digestion problems so it does make sense. But, I do feel pleased because I didn't think I'd even make it this far. There is still time to give in to temptation of course. It has been known to happen before, and it was likely a weeks worth of chocolate in an hour long binge session whilst watching something depressing. But I haven't been getting ravenous pangs like I thought that I would, they subsided after the 3rd day or so. I also surprised myself by using this week to trial it out of all the weeks in the month where i'd be most likely to give in, based on my previous track record. So who knows, maybe this is just something I do now!

I don't mean to go on about it, but, I suppose you could say it's a big deal for me and it's not something I can really share much with others because it seems, well, unnecessary.

Me and Chris were planning on meeting again this evening, but we're going to talk on the phone instead as I don't trust myself to meet in person once again. It confused me far too much last time, and I wasn't afraid of telling him this. I don't want to message him just saying 'no, it's not a good idea,' without giving him the chance to talk and reflect, i'm sure we're on the same page anyway. I feel much less anxious having made a clear decision now and i'm hoping i'll be able to convey this to Chris without sounding rude and still maintaining our friendship.
I know that hearing his voice will always make me smile, I also know that seeing him will always make me feel warm inside. But that's because of who were are, what we had once and how we connect as people. But that connection doesn't mean that I should pursue things once again. I know meeting him in person would be a fun evening but I also worry that i'd get carried away in the moment and in our past memories and find myself agreeing to things or promising things that afterwards i'd regret and have to track back on. It wouldn't be fair to him and it certainly wouldn't be fair to Mike.

I've got to try and spend more of my time looking forward instead of backwards.

I've got to try and push myself to be more creative. But first i'm working on trying make myself generally more well, the rest will follow i'm sure.