Can't explain myself because I don't have a reason

Monday is here again and i'm lacking enthusiasm for...everything. I've been so terribly up and down recently, particularly over the weekend. I can't put my finger on why, nothing bad has happened. Maybe it was because I had free time and I didn't know what to do with it. I just feel a real churning in my stomach and I have a real sense on unease. I feel 'imbalanced' in my body and, I don't know what I mean when I say that. All I know is that something feels off and I don't know what it is. It's having a significant effect on my mental well being. Clenched jaw and gritted teeth with irrational anger one moment, to being morose on the brink of tears the next. I spent most of the weekend apologizing to Mike for my erratic behavior. So on top of the general shite I felt, I was also lumbered with feelings of guilt and embarrassment. 

I know one doesn't always need a reason to justifying having an off day, or a few of them even. It's human, it happens, one can't be chipper and upbeat all the time, it's not possible. But I feel guilty whenever life gets the better of me and just want to suffer it alone. I don't want anyone to see me like it. I know it's a phase and it'll fade, I'll be okay again a few days. I don't want to have to explain myself, because frustratingly... I don't have a reason.

I feel so trapped where I lived, because it forces me to be social when all I want to do is hide. I should do it anyway if it's what I want to do, but I don't it to come across rude. Fuck knows why I care about coming across rude though, it seems 90% of the people I come into contact with don't give a hoot about this. Of course I wouldn't want anyone to feel the way I feel after I'm with these people, I wouldn't want to be so unreasonable. It wouldn't feel like the right thing to do. And sometimes, being forced into being around people can sometimes lift the spirits. I've got to try and not fear it as I do. I wish I could move out and get away. Restore the relationship I have with my brother with how it used to be - brother and sister. Not this strange housemate situation where I feel guilty for not hanging out with him when he's with our loud housemate in the front room, mostly needing to wear ear plugs trying to escape the noise through the paper thin walls... I can't wait to get away. 8 months to go. God help me.