I wonder why things happen the way they do, when they do… And why some people crop up more frequently than others whereas others are never seen again. I suppose I’ll never really know if ‘never’ is reality until my final days. But Paul has come hurtling back into my life again and it’s as if he never left. He’s straight back in with pouring compliments and his lovely voice messages, it’s surreal but so tempting. Just like before. Of course, he always leaves me wondering. What does he really want from me? Once a year it’s like he showers me with praise then goes silent again. I suppose he’s just testing the waters. There have been times where I’ve thought about him, but he was naughty. We both were really, we shouldn’t have been communicating as we were, both being in relationships. Cutting him out of my life was the right thing to do at the time and I doubt he’s changed. He’s still as mysterious as ever. But as much as I hate to say it, he is probably the most complimentary person I’ve met, and he truly makes me feel beautiful. It’s transparent, of course, I’ve no doubt he just wants an evening of passion and that’s about it. But he’s funny, quirky and intelligent. He’s confident, cocky and a flippin conservative – I’ll be sure to keep away from all things political. But he does have me intrigued. I fall for it every time.
I won’t let him interfer with my current relationship, of course. I’ve got to be very careful not to get carried away in all of the rosy glow of his words.
‘’What a shame we met in circumstances in which we couldn’t pursue our interactions with one another…I really felt a deep, deep connection with you on our playdate. I’d go as far to say I fell in love with you…but fate has cruel plans. Even if we just became friends I suspect we would have been great friends – you made my head spin with delight every time you messaged me or spoke! The only problem with us being great friends would have been your hearstopping beauty, your dreamy gorgousness, and quite frankly your utter sexy-osity!!! So, it’d have to be husband and wife! Xxxx You really are a world class beauty – really. And downright splendid character. Really and truly top drawer. And a little bit top shelf too.”
He want on explain more about the night we met, and how it made him feel coming home. He told his friend on the phone how he’d fallen in love and didn’t know what to do. His girlfriend found the suit he’d left up and the aftershave, she suspected he’d been on a date and that’s when it all collapsed. He went on to say how he’d wanted to talk to me again all year, and how my awkward, geeky, silliness just felt perfect to him.
It’s hard to deny that it made me smile. But…why?
I asked him if my replies would get him into trouble with his girlfriend (understandably and again,) he said that they were no longer together.
… I just checked his Facebook and he’s 40 something, has a young, glamorous Asian girlfriend and is extremely conservative. I can’t even entertain that. He even made a post about one of his oldest, dearest friends saying ‘If you really are as far right as they say you are, we can no longer be friends.’ And it transpires that they’re not friends.
Sweet lord. So soon reality hits like a tonne of bricks. I know one should put political views aside but, when they're 'extreme' - his page is a constant stream of video re-posts of random people coming out with political statements. It's over my head but I know enough to know that it's wrong, I don't agree, and it goes against everyone I love.
He is blocked.
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