We're fast approaching the end of the year and for the first time in a very long time...i'm really looking forward to 2019.
My body feels sore, my joints are twinging with the memories of the festive tide - a fair bit of anxiety mixed with feelings of love and relief, family generally stresses me out and has me on edge and coming away from it feels similar to a come down. As awful as that sounds. The guilt I feel about that last sentence lasts with me a long time, I just add it to the top of the 'guilt pile' which is already stacked high in my mind. Though this is pretty negative and pretty similar to entries of late, my mood has changed and I hope it remains this way. It's likely influenced by last night, where me and Mike shared our Christmas gifts and had our own festive evening which I had been looking forward to. But nothing could have prepared me for the mounds of thoughtful gifts, carefully wrapped with rainbow ribbons, cute lil notes and drawings. Everything I opened made me smile from ear to ear, I burst into tears with happiness. And it wasn't the quantity, or the expense. It was the fact that he did it and that he had wanted to do it. I felt well and truly spoiled, which is something i've not experienced for a very long time. It's not something I will ever expect or get used to. He said how I was always doing nice things for other people and never had much for me, he wanted to make me feel like a child at Christmas again and he absolutely succeeded. We both hugged and cried happy tears. I would never have dreamed of seeing the end of 2018 in the arms of such a beautiful person and I'm so excited for our future together. Tomorrow we're driving the Norfolk coast to stay in a converted barn just the two of us, in peace, quiet and calm and see in 2019 together with wine by the fire. It's the only way I want to see in the year, i'm so excited. It'll be so nice to be ourselves in our own little environment for a while, we'll be close to the sea too so we can have an amble along the coast, perhaps get a bit wet and cold to then get back in the warm and the dry.
I've been giving my resolutions for 2019 a little more thought than what I usually do. I feel they've been too vague before. What I lack in vagueness I make up for in difficulty though, as I plan on going on a No Buy for the entire year. Specifically, with clothing.
My spending last year although didn't impact me significantly financially, it certainly made an indent and on reflection it's all money I could have saved to put towards repairs for my car, travelling, saving etc. My collection of clothing over the years certainly brings me joy, it's taken me years to build up and many of my favourite pieces I've spent time saving up for or have spent a long time trawling Ebay for. It could do with streamling for sure, but I certainly feel as though it's complete. Colourful, smart, work-appropriate, formal, lazy, cosy, summery, it's all there. I know what things I like and wear and i'm not a trend follower, I don't shop the high-street and when I do shop it's online and when i'm bored. Which usually equals purchasing things so I have something to look forward to opening when it arrives in the following days. I need to nip this habit in the bud! It's costly and above all, I have no more space for clothes! There will be exceptions, such as plain tights, underwear, socks. But everything else, i've got covered.
So if I can go the entire year without buying anything clothes related, especially off Ebay, i'll be immensely proud of myself.
Walking to work is another resolution, which will hopefully get me back to my original level of fitness, save me money on the tube and will be more beneficial to my emotional well-being.
So here's hoping i'll be able to stick to it! I remember getting into a bit of a minimalism kick last year around this time, but it sort of fizzled out. Hopefully this time I'll be stronger. I'm hoping that sharing these ideas and ambitions with others will hopefully help me to keep at it, especially during times of stress/boredom.
So, 2018 has been...eventful. A serious relationship came to an end, I moved back to London, started up a new relationship with a wonderful man, I live with my brother (which has been good and bad,) and i'm looking to the next few months with hopes of looking after myself more, taking better care of myself and my spending. I wonder where i'll be this time next year...
I hope to update the blog more too, as I have missed doing so, though this usually means I've been happier. I hope there will be more happy things to write about, less dwelling, less scary changes and more positive ones.
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