overwhelmed again

I haven't been coping so well the past couple of days, I've been a little manic. My mind won't pipe down, it won't let me enjoy myself only focusing on the next thing to panic about. And to be honest, there really isn't much upcoming that could be considered a negative and yet that's what my brain keeps twisting it to think. It's not the first time this has happened, but it is the first time for a while and I'm finding it hard to achieve some relief. Even sleep, my friend, my comforter, my reliable source of escapism has been tainted by the first nightmare i've had for a long time. And I vividly rememeber the fear, running away, trying desperately to wake myself up, my numb limbs unable to move, telling myself it's only a dream, sit up straight, clap your hands, wake up, wake up! At least when I did I had Mike to cuddle...I love him so much. We've had a wonderful couple of weeks, it's amazing how normal it feels, I don't even feel the urge to write in this blog to express my happiness to try and remember - it's almost like there's been too much to even document. But last night I felt the combination of tiredness and anxiety build to intolerable levels and I couldn't hide it from him. Then of course, embarrassment kicks in. I don't want him to see that side of me, I don't want him to see my weaknesses but it came out yesterday and I felt like a child. He was so supportive, kind and sweet and he actually advised that I keep a journal of how i'm feeling. I told him i'd kept this one for a good 10 years or so (madness,) but it did spur me on to get typing again. I feel very out of practice. These sentences don't feel as though they flow correctly, it's not as easy as it used to be.
I guess it's getting back into the habit. I kinda broke it when Mike went to California, because I spent my free moments typing to him instead of in my journal/diary/blog, whatever the heck this is.

What I don't get is...my life at the moment is pretty good. Why am I feeling like this now? When I think back to the times where everything was going to shit, I don't remember feeling as manic as I do currently. What's that about? Maybe it's because I don't remember much about it all full stop. It's all sort of blurred together, maybe to save me from dwelling, who knows.

I guess everything has just been catching up with me. Me and Mike had a wonderful weekend, booked a nice air B&B together and just relaxed, him and me, it was wonderful. Drank whisky, watched some TV, dressed up, undressed, were loud, passionate, free...it was amazing. Pure pleasure. I've never experienced pleasure quite like I do when we're together, I can hardly believe it. I feel so, so lucky. I don't know what I did to deserve him. I want to tell him every single day. I want to marry him and have his babies. I want to spend the rest of my life with him.
I'm so intense, my god. Internally though, thankfully. He'd likely run a mile if he ever found this out, I'm not sure if he wants these things too. Maybe. Maybe he would if I told him so. It's too soon though, of course. Why not just let myself enjoy the time we're having now? Why am I so keen to rush? I always do this.

I want to write to a forum or something, get this off my chest to someone who'll read it but what do I want them to say? They'll likely advise therapy or medication. I don't know how that makes me feel. I probably need both...