Tired time alone

I've got a bit of time to type, it feels good, it's been a while.
I suppose most of my free typin' time has been reserved for Michael, as he's currently thousands of miles away in America for work. It's been nice to have a bit of time to myself recently, sort out things in my room that i've not had time to sort, spend more time with my brother too. I wrote Mike a letter and sent it earlier this week which kicked off the first bout of drawing, which I haven't done for months! It felt really nice and i'm hoping to keep it up for a long as it lingers. I need to make a start of Christmas gifts, I absolutely want to draw a proper piece of Mike and the best time to do it is while he's away, plus it keeps me busy. I want to draw something for his parents too, but i'm not sure what just yet. Perhaps something nature based, i'll have to ask him to find out more.
I've been pretty run down this week, i'm not sure why. It could be late nights and very early mornings where we video chat. Although we're apart, I feel like so much time is focusing on him, typing, texting, chatting. I do like it, but it doesn't leave a lot of time for me, let alone my family. Friends? Forget about it, I feel like he's my only friend at the moment. But I put it down to the honeymoon phase, just wanting to live out of each others pockets the entire time. I do want to spend this time with him for sure, but I feel I need to try and lay a few cards on the table with myself and address what's been on my mind. The sort of thing I had lots of time to do before meeting him, whereas now I feel like it's all crammed into a few moments.

I just feel as though i'm always rushing. Sure, the morning routine, work commute, that's a given. That's not the cause of stress here. No, I feel the need to rush about at home. Like, when I get in, I want to eat straight away, do all admin stuff as soon as possible so I can go upstairs to my room sooner. I just feel as though i'm rushing to get out of everyones way. Now, it took me a while to realise this, and at first I felt sad at the '11 long months left of this' - I felt sad that I wasn't feeling comfortable as I thought I would and I felt sad that I still had the same issues going on as I did in pretty much all my previous house shares. For a long while I thought it was the people around me making me feel that way but actually that's not the case at all. They seem to like my company and want me to be around, so I don't know where I get it from. Insecurity probably, especially about food and food preparation. I don't know what that's about. As a result though, i'm not eating properly. I'm either spending lots of money on food every day, little things or I'm eating silly things lick snacks and cereal and feel horribly bloated, slow and as though i'm definetly low on vitamins. I had to come home earlier the week late morning because my stomach was giving me trouble. I've never had that before. I just feel constantly on edge. I did wonder if perhaps it was because Mike was leaving but I don't think so as I was almost looking forward to a bit of time apart and for him to go and do his thing in America. I trust him. But it's probably the change of everything fully sinking in. Because I moved to the new place very soon after meeting Mike so I don't feel as though i've really made my mark on the place. I need to get a handle on these weird complexes I seem to have formed.

I've bought some iron tablets and am upping my fruit intake, hopefully I'll feel more myself soon. I'm going to do a bit of a declutter in my room too, that usually makes me feel better about things. I know I should spend time being social but to be honest...i'm too tired.