Long week

Friday is here and i'm glad, it feels as though it's been a long week. I'm not sure why exactly, possibly the fending off of some sort of cold, weighing me down. Possibly mixed with not enough sleep and a bit of anxiety striking at it's usual hours. I'm in my overdraft, too much spending. Too much of a good thing. I feel

Friday mornings are fairly quiet at work and it seems it's at this time I have a moment to catch up with with myself. Have a little check in, what am I thinking about, how am I feeling, what am I anxious about? Anxiety has been building up and strikes every now and then, i'm not sure why because I thought I was happy, I thought things were okay. They are, for the most part, i'm pretty content. But I haven't really had an awful lot of me time and I miss that. Now if I get an evening free I shoe-horn everything in that i've been putting off; washing, cleaning, tidying, perhaps a semi-relaxed bath, perhaps a bit of a rubbish TV before I just want to crash-out, exhausted. I also use this time to check-in with the boys, who, I don't feel i've really seen a lot of since moving in. I haven't bonded and melded in like I hoped that I would. I suppose this takes time, and I haven't had much of that. Because of this, I don't feel as though it's my house. I do like it there, but I miss my independence and I feel that it's going to be a long year. I feel so guilty saying this, I suppose I sort of knew it going in. Dad alluded to this too before I agreed to it all. I should have seen it coming. They are young, though. Ivo went ahead and bought an enormous TV which has taken center stage in the living room, there's only one sofa, he's always there, with all of his consoles so, I feel as though he's marked his territory there. I know that in this situation, i've got to leave my mark too but I feel i've missed the window and to be honest, I don't much mind. I reckon i'll just blend in. I've learnt that this is something I struggle with, when in shared living. I struggle to stretch myself around other rooms, I usually set up everything in my room and that's my space from that point on. I feel less stress living with my brother but I do feel a bit more pressure and obligation to hang out together. I feel guilty that Mike is over all the time. I know he doesn't mind, but he minds if he knows I mind and I do! I miss having my own space...but I feel guilty for saying that because I love having him around. He's perfect. I feel so grateful and so lucky. And it's been a while since i've been with someone who genuinely wants to spend lots of time with me. He's sincere, he's wonderful.
And on Monday, he'll be flying to America and spending a month there for work. It'll be a busy time for him, interviews, catching up with friends, going from place to place. I'm looking forward to it for him, it should be a productive time. I will miss him, that's for sure. But, i'm looking forward to having some time to mingle with the house, get into my own routine again. Save money! Perhaps walk to and from work, that sort of thing. I think some time apart will be good, and I'm looking forward to sending him letters and talking on the phone. I hope that it'll make us stronger.
Before Monday though, I'll be meeting his parents! On Sunday we will drive to his and I'll meet them for lunch. He'll show me around his hometown and then i'll drive back, allowing him some time with his parents and to pack. I'm really looking forward to meeting his parents, i'm not nervous or worried, at the moment anyway. I like meeting parents! I'm intrigued as to their character, what they look like, what their home is like. I hope I don't embarrass myself too much, I'm wondering what I should wear...so i'm expecting a rather busy weekend and then more time to think and reflect over the next three weeks or so...