Gosh, looking back over last month's sparse collection of entries. I'm trying to piece together a few things with where I should be in the month (3 days late...I don't think I'm worried, yet...but, it is a little odd,) and I get caught into reading events progress and quickly jump from one to the next without my usual rambling detail. I suppose I haven't had much time to actually sit and type, nor the privacy. But it's okay.
Generally speaking, I'm okay. Sometimes I get my familiar stirrings of feeling overwhelmed and a little suffocated, but it soon passes. I'm conscious that my living situation has changed, so i'm no longer as independent as I used to be, can't really come and go as please as much as I did before. I mean, I can but because it's my brother, I don't really want to, I don't want to run the risk of irritating him and spoiling our relationship or annoying his friend/my housemate. It's been an interesting month so far, but on the whole I'm enjoying it. I suppose there's been a lot of change all at once, it feels as though i've been there a lot longer than I actually have.
Things with me and Mike are going well, we spent the weekend together in Brighton which was a lot of fun. We stayed in this interesting apartment, a truly unique haunt with AstroTurf artfully arranged on the floors, chipboard on the walls, graffiti art style tables, erotic wallpaper on the kitchen cabinets. It wasn't a place for my parents, however it was the perfect place for us to explore each other, be loud and care-free, it was great. I don't feel i've ever really connected with someone on such a sexual level as I have with him, it's wonderful. I still can't believe it. I love spending time with him, innocently talking, watching things together, sharing food and pleasantries and equally enjoy being...filthy, to be honest. So raw and passionate. Dan messaged me during our first week or two of properly getting together and I was not in the slightest bit tempted. All my desires are on Mike and I can't see them wavering any time soon. Which is how it should be.
We walked up the cobbled streets, took a look in the quirky shops, drank lots of coffee, had an amble down by the sea although it was rainy and cold. One evening we went for dinner and conversation went on from 'i'm not going anywhere,' to him explaining how it wouldn't be out of the question for him to be offered an opportunity in another country, perhaps in New York. He said he wasn't in a rush to take it, the sort of work he does means he can work from anywhere. 'It know it seems crazy to say this, but you're more than welcome to come with me...I really like you a lot and, it could be fun...with what i'd be earning, it would be enough for us both, you could give your design work a real shot' I sat there in a haze of disbelief. I loved what he was saying and couldn't believe it. He truly meant it. I don't want to hold him back from what he needs to do, but at the same time, I don't really have anything to hold me back. Well, apart from family of course. Just him saying it, feeling that he could, was a wonderful moment. I've never felt that i've sat across from someone saying grand things like that and truly meaning it. I mean, do I know he means it for sure? Well, no, he could surprise me and disappear. But the glow I felt from within, I just couldn't deny it. This weekend we're going to venture to my home neck of the woods, stay the night in a cheap, grotty hotel overlooking a busy main road and then go and see my dad the following day. I'm really looking forward to it, i'm excited for my dad to meet him, and for Mike to meet the most important man in my life. We'll drive back on the Sunday evening. He mentioned that the following weekend we might go and visit his parents...I cannot wait to meet them...
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