Feeling a little bit better today, a little bit more 'with it.' To be fair to myself, there really is a lot going on at the moment and there's a lot to be concerned about. But i've got through situations like this before and worse ones, so I know i'll come through the otherside eventually. It would just be nice for it to be sooner rather than later.
I'm meeting up with Michael again after I finish work, for about an hour or so. It's really sweet of him to offer this and I gladly accepted, I just hope he doesn't feel pressured to as he's busy manning a shop over the course of the next few days, and next week. I'm hopefully seeing him on Sunday too.
It feels very...normal. Natural. It's strange because, as much as this makes me nervous (as these pleasant things always do,) but because it feels this way I'm just sort of coasting along with it. I think he's adorable, so charming, attractive and after we parted ways yesterday I already felt the pang of missing him. Surreal, I know. And I worry I'm watching myself stumble into the inevitable darkness and disappointment. I shouldn't be dating when there's so much on my plate, not to mention how poor I am and will continue to be, but I'm doing it anyway. Because, it's all an experience and who knows who I might meet along the way, we could have something wholesome and real. And, I might get upset - I have plenty of times already. That's the price you pay for putting yourself out there again. But, it's a case of just getting back into the game. I wonder if i'll be saying this later on, I mean, I've definitely been having many up and down swings lately. It's a distraction, it's keeping me occupied...
I just feel a sense of urgency and I know that I shouldn't. But I don't want to spend time 'finding myself' because I know who I am, and I know what I want. I always have done...I suppose a pause would be good for me mentally, but all I want to do is make someone happy. And if they're happy, then so will I.
No comments:
Post a Comment