Re:Member

I will miss this commute.

I’m still no further in finding a replacement person for my room, though I’ve been cramming in the viewings. Doesn’t half chip away and my spirit though, it’s kinda like dating. What if they don’t feel a connection? You put in the effort but there’s no guarantee you’ll get any in return. It’s taking me a while to realise this and become okay with this - because like dating, there does come an occasion where the timings work, there’s a click, you both have good times, good memories, you both want to do it again. So, I’m just praying it won’t be long until someone feels that with my room. To be honest, I think most people like my room a lot, it’s just a lot to fork out deposit-wise and my other housemate is...tough. So, It’s not without its struggles. But then I managed to get some poor soul to move into my room in that god awful Acton place with that angry alcoholic so, this is a walk in the park!

Fingers crossed.



I spent the day with Michael on Sunday, the picnic idea turned into an indoor picnic on the covers and under them. It was wonderful. He’s wonderful. We talked for a while but the tension had been building up considerably. I went to meet him at the station and about a stones throw away there’s a supermarket which we popped into to pick up some things, a father intimate affair I realise. How does one shop, what do they pick up, do they go commando raid it, do they meander around? He kept kissing me in the isles and it was lovely because it’s always what I want to do to him but for some reason I refrain. He’s a tactile person and so am I - it’s been a while since I’ve been with someone like that and it’s really nice to be natural and open, not having to keep checking myself to see if I’m being too clingy. He said he enjoyed spending time with me. I worry i'm falling too deep far too fast. I know it's a trait of mine, a flaw, but it feels too easy. I'm letting him in. And I enjoy it, but when we're apart I realise that I've no idea what he's after. He doesn't come across as just being a 'good time' guy but then neither did Phil. I do feel more secure with him though, I feel safer. I feel loved. And at a time like this, it's all I want. I'm scared, I'm burnt out I'm worn down, the future is uncertain, I want someone to help ease my anxieties but I know that's unwise.

But I do it anyway...