Musicless

Music is difficult. It always is during these phases. A song will take me right back to a moment where I was happy (which doesn’t feel all that long ago), perhaps it was I sent to him, a new much loved discovery for him, perhaps the lyrics remind me of what we were. Either way, I choose not to put myself through it, as much as I miss it. And sadly that in itself reminds me something is up because I’m avoiding something that feels normal, drawing attention to the fact that something has changed and that I’m sad. But it won’t be for long.

I suppose I identified with him a feeling of happiness and excitement - incredibly so. So now that he’s gone I assume my happiness has gone too but I know that it’s not true. I said all along if it were to suddenly disappear I’d be happy for the time I had had with Phil, and I am. A colleague at work described him as being a rebound and the next one will be much better, but I prefer thinking him as being a palette cleanser haha getting my senses back to where they were before Chris and Dan and all of that.

I am brave and I am strong. I’ve got to keep pressing onwards.