I sit at my desk, late and a little blurry eyed. Coffee is racing through my system along with the usual anxiety, nerves and...a bit of happiness actually. I had a really loved evening last night, Michael is a really interesting person and I enjoyed being around him. He approached me as I waited in line to put our name down at the restaurant, I gave him a hug, it was a little awkward but it was in the doorway of this busy, bustling place. He had a lovely soft but deep voice, he was gentle and calm. We wandered for a little while and decided on getting a drink as we waited, in a rather dingy basement bar but we were able to find seats easily and talked over our rather strong cocktails. I liked his stories. I think he was nervous, I noticed that he had a stammer which was so, unbelievably endearing. I don't think i've ever been in the presence of someone before.
The lady rang us to say that our table was available, but we carried on talking and by the time we arrived 40 mins had gone by and they'd given our table away. So we walked and talked, went to a familiar restaurant chain which although it wasn't anything too special, it was a lot more appropriate as it was calmer and quieter. We talked and talked, shared a bottle of white wine and were the last ones to leave. It was late as we left and we had that slightly awkward 'what do you fancy doing now?' conversation and I suggested that he could always come back to mine. I surprised myself a bit by doing this, as it was a bit forward but he agreed happily and soon we got to mine. There's something about him I really like. We carried on talking and slowly touched and then kissed and it really was wonderful. Afterwards I said how it wasn't the usual thing i'd do, but I knew that I wanted him there. He agreed, saying that he knew he wanted to right from the off which was nice to hear. Perhaps it's naive of me, I mean, he's getting some, right? But, I don't know why, but he doesn't really come across that way. I could be wrong - which is what's giving me anxiety at the moment, what if he never contacts me again?
I'm not sure he slept amazingly well as it gets so hot in my room and the trains make it noisy, but I woke up a few times to him cuddling me and it was so lovely, as it's been a while since i've had that. This morning we woke up gradually (and late,) I made coffee and we chatted. On the tube to work I asked him what he was doing at the weekend, he said that he'd love to see me again but had lots coming up - covering his friend's shop while they're on holiday. He said he was free on Sunday, though. And as we parted ways, I thanked him for yesterday and said i'd had a lovely time. Hoped that we'd do it again soon, he agreed said that we'd work something out, we smiled, kissed and we went onto his tube line.
So, on the whole I feel content, but I don't know why I worry that he might disappear now. It's irrational of me to hope that he'll message me so soon, but I do hope it'll be at some point today, to put my mind at ease. It's so silly. Why can't I trust him? It's remarkably early days...I need to chill out.
Before then, in about 20 mins time I'm meeting Phil as he left his jacket at mine. I look like shit but I don't care, I just want to get it over and done with. I don't feel anything towards the situation, only that I want it to be brief. I'm sure it'll be friendly and amicable, I have no intention of making it anything other than pleasant. But I wonder how it'll feel to see him. I suppose i'm buzzing a bit from last night, and that's a good thing. Later i've a lady coming to look at my room as soon as I get home and then i've got to go and collect my brother's things from his ex girlfriends. Then I'm going home and sleeping. - nothing else!
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