Endings.

I couldn’t wait to til the evening, so I phoned him while I was sat in the park. Hearing him talk didn’t make me feel shakey or sad as I thought that it might have done. I felt calm and relief. He said I probably knew what was coming – I did, he said he didn’t feel he was ready for a serious relationship. These words did surprise me, but then – it all makes sense. He admitted that he and his ex had broken up only a couple of months before we started dating, a rather important detail. I said it was my bad as I should have asked him more, but also he should have said this from the outset. He agreed. He said he had absolutely no regrets, he’d loved the time we’d spent together but knew it wasn’t fair on me going along with something he wasn’t sure he was ready for. I said that if someone had asked me, I wouldn’t have said I was looking for a serious relationship, but then I wasn’t a one night stand sort of person. It was just the way we had both kinda fell into things. He said that his PhD was a contributing factor and the fact that he didn’t know where he’d be in 6 months or so just wasn’t fair. What stood out the most though was that he said he felt he wasn’t yet mature enough. His ex was his first girlfriend and I was his second, he still felt like he had lots to learn (true.) It all…makes sense. I said that to be honest, I didn’t feel as though he had made me feel otherwise or lead me on (perhaps the ‘yeah you’re my girlfriend!’ bit – to which he said he was ‘surprised it was a conversation we were having’ which proves his naivety) I felt he had always held something back in reserve. I said to my brother afterwards how I felt glad I wasn’t going crazy. All these things I was picking up on and doubting were…correct. He stressed that he wanted us to remain friends, he loved my brother too, that he cared about me very much and thought I was amazing…yada yada. As endings go, it wasn’t bad. I haven't had much experience being the one being ended with. It's usually the other way around, but it's a learning process for me too. He still wanted to meet in person but I didn’t want to encourage this, I don’t want to bring that conversation into my room where there’s only happy memories at the moment. I said ‘If you want to meet in person so you can give me back the picture – I don’t want it, it was for you.’ And he was really pleased he could keep it and wanted to keep it. He thanked me for making it as easy as possible for him. There wasn’t much more for me to say.
I have a hunch that in a few weeks he’ll realise what he’s done, when he realises the struggle of the real world. Sigh. I only wish him well.
It’s probably shock, but I know it’ll be okay. I’ll get past this, I've got through worse. We weren't even together for very long. It was too good to be true. I don't think i'd say he's too good for me now, though.

It's good that it's now and not later. He could have easily have kept on.