Day 1 - Rebuilding

I awoke this morning much more refreshed than last night, goodness me. I'm starting to feel a little more like myself but I reckon it'll still take a few days. I just feel a bit weird. Yesterday I did some damage control and took down the photos of us together and this morning I backed up my phone and deleted anything that had anything to do with him. It was surprisingly easy. Throwing away his toothbrush was the last of it and I realised how little we were intertwined with each others lives. It was a good 5 months and now I look about and it was as if it never happened. Moving out of this place will really help move forward, considering all of our relationship was based mostly here and within these walls, to leave will be like leaving it all behind. I don't feel...sad really, I suppose I just feel silly. Silly that I fell for it, fell for him, thought that we really were something special. But I wasn't 100% happy and there was always a doubt, I knew it was coming. But I was so besotted with him; his amazing body, his charm, his innocence. But - he really wasn't perfect and there were many things here and there that made me question 'us' I suppose I knew that we weren't really the best of fits, eventhough we got on really well and there was certainly a great deal of attraction.
I probably won't read back any of these posts for a while, he took up many of those and I think the cringe would be too real and too soon. So I'll just work through all of this the same way i'vev worked through everything else; just typing away until I start to feel better.
I downloaded the app again but haven't done any real searching, it's just for a sort of comfort at the moment. I know that as soon as I start pouring myself in, that'll be it. There's a big part of me that knows that I really should give myself a little bit of time. But it's that time that makes me feel uncomfortable and uneasy. It makes thoughts catch up with me and I don't like them. I want to do everything that I can to escape them. I know the lessons that I learnt and I know what i'm after in my next relationship. I feel i'm more aware of time passing now more than ever before.

So, yesterday I messaged Dan and it looks as though I might be seeing him this Friday. I've also started talking to Harry again. These two things are both...wrong I know. I shouldn't see Dan, it'll open up a whole can or worms I'm sure - but, he'll give me some relief, he'll take me back to where I was once before and built myself up from, i'm sure we'll have a fantastic evening of fun and that's what I need. Harry offers me humor and support. He's so forgiving. I think we might meet again, just to see how we both feel. He's so familiar, I can already see him slotting into my life. But, all in good time of course.