'We were together. I forget the rest.'

'I suppose I'll have to love you and leave you, as they say,'


He ended the call with this, and i'm sure there was no pause at all but I felt like he left ages after he said the first 'you.' I don't know why but it made me heart flutter to hear, goodness knows why I only focus on the first half of that phrase and not the second, which is far more sinister. But to hear him say 'love' just makes me incredibly hopeful. It's daft really, but goodness me if that man ever loved me I could die at any moment and be truly happy. How lucky I would be. It's a phrase, I know. It's common. It doesn't mean anything. But...he still said it, and that's the way I choose to interpret it.


Our call last night was really nice, it was casual as neither of us had anything ground breaking to talk about, but the conversation flowed to all sorts of things; his summer teaching plans, uni, any regrets we had regarding education. I remarked on how lovely it was to hear him say that he enjoyed his degree and wouldn't change anything about it. It's common to hear people say the many things they would change, it's fitting that he has only good things to say about it. His path is clear. In many ways, I envy it. I wish my path was as clear.



Sometimes I look about and think...I could leave this at any moment. Just, pack up my things, load up my car, get out of here. Leave it all behind. Drive to the beach, stay there, looking out over the waves. I hope me and Phil can take a trip to the sea soon.