Why do I always assume the worst?

I’ve only got half an hour left here and then I’m on my way home for an afternoon of pampering. I’m really looking forward to it. The store opposite our office is pumping out a classical waltz in celebration of Wimbledon, the same, 10 second burst of song and it’s only been a day but it’s like a form of torture. There’s no escaping it. It’s going to be a good 2 months of endurance.
Later this afternoon I’ll be going to meet Phil at his university and he’s going to show me around (rolls eyes at former entry.) I shouldn’t assume the worst all the time. I don’t know why I do it.
He called me last night while I was working on his card, it was a wonderful surprise. He was a bit merry which was very funny and we chattered away and laughed lots, I was so happy that he just went for it and called without asking first. The conversation was light and playful, I can’t remember all of it but he always sounds as though he’s smiling on the phone which I just love. He ‘awwwed’ lots and, I don’t know, I can only hope that he feels a little bit of what I feel for him but who knows. I suppose in many ways he’s a bit tricky to read.
He got to his front door so we ended things there and I found myself happily drawing away no longer worrying if it was ‘too cute.’ And I finished it and I’m pleased with the outcome. As someone who doesn’t really do much for his birthday, I’m sure he’ll think I’ve gone completely overboard – which I suppose I have, considering I’ve only known him 3 months or so. But it’s what I want to do, it’s what feels natural to me – as this is something I enjoy doing and feel I do well and above all, he deserves it. He’s helped pull me out from the darkness, out of the shell I found myself in and for that I am so grateful. If it ends in a couple of months I won’t regret any of it. I know it. And this only confirms my decision that it was good that I cancelled on Dan after all, I know what it would have entailed, I’m not strong enough to resist it and from that point on I would always have the memory looming over my head. No, I didn't want to do that to Phil, or myself.

Only 5 more mins to go...I'm looking forward to this weekend, we should be going to a roller disco tomorrow!