I think it must be my anxiety. I feel nervous and emotionally uncomfortable. Nothing has really happened, and yet I feel as though something will. And it'll be bad. I don't understand why I do this, or why i'm tackling this in a negative way. i'm fully aware that i'm doing it, and yet it just keeps on.
Maybe, he feels secure in what we have already. Clearly, we're very different and don't get anxious or worked up about the same things. So I cannot possibly put myself in his shoes or understand what he's thinking or feeling. I have to trust him, and that he'll be open and honest with me about this. And that's a bit of a breakthrough for me in a number of ways, to actually type it out like that - I have to trust him. He's so nice, polite and gracious I worry he's always holding back. Do people wonder this with me too? I should only worry about this when he gives me reason to worry. And not replying to a message from last night, when we had a perfectly lovely phonecall beforehand, for 45 mins at least. - That is NOT a reason to worry. God, I need to get a grip. I need to get friends. I need to get sleep. I need to...evaluate.
All these thoughts, turning over and over making me more and more exhausted. Is this really something I should be dealing with? Why can't I just go with the flow and...enjoy it? I mean, two months isn't really a very long time in the grand scheme of things. Yes, I wear my heart on my sleeve and i'll be sad, but I know i'll move on and find somebody else. So, why am I allowing the pressure to build? I'm making myself suffer for nothing.
It's because i've had a full on couple of days, it's affected my sleep and eating patterns which in turn, affects my mood. I know this. So why can't I just turn my phone off and switch my mind off?
Perhaps Dan's seeping into my mind again isn't helping me get a grip. It's adding more cooks to the broth and that's never a good thing. He takes my interest so suddenly and i'm imminently captivated by him. I shouldn't be, he's bad news.
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