I feel a little blue today, perhaps it's the weather. I suppose there was going to be a come-down eventually, one can't remain on cloud-nine for an eternity, much to my disappointment. I suppose it's the not knowing when I'll be seeing him next and again, my mind likes to assume the worst. If there's nothing to look forward to it starts to spiral out of control if I don't keep it in check, and remind myself that these thoughts are unfair and unwarranted.
It's not the end of the world - he's busy after all, finishing up his PhD for goodness sake. It's not like he hasn't bothered to get in touch or anything.
Sigh, the weekend was wonderful and he spoiled me with his time and helpfulness. We drank in the evening, had little sleep and went to the cinema the following day in a nice place about a 20 min walk away from where I live. I enjoyed cosying up next to his warm body, he just makes me feel so safe. Physically safe, and yet mentally I still feel afraid he's going to leave me high and dry. He doesn't give me this indication, but the fact that I feel such a strong connection with him means I fear it ever dissolving. It's natural, it's human, but I mustn't let it spoil the fun. If it dissolves for whatever reason, well it just does - no amount of worrying now will prevent it, so, why not just enjoy this 'bit'? I want to be in the space so soon, I want to be intense with my desires; the living together, the meeting of our families, the holidays etc. But, I know that there's no need rushing it, I've just got to hope that it'll naturally take that path.
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