I hope I see these walls again

Monday morning I wrote an absence email sleepily from Phils bed. I felt guilty but I also felt so happy to be there. Modern and well-kept, it had a female touch which was nice to see. I felt comfortable and at ease during my stay, which went on longer than we had both planned. We went to the park on the sunny Sunday afternoon and I ended up having dinner and staying an extra night, with every intention of going straight to work. But, you only live once - a motto I’ve been telling myself more often than I should. I bought a car on Friday. Completely unnecessary. But, fun. And I just thought ‘why not!?’ I don’t have anything else really going on in my life at the moment, I can’t save money for a house and let’s face it, I’m single so, why not live on the edge a little bit?

I’m sure I’ll regret saying this by the end of the month where I’ll have no money.

It’s been lovely spending time with Phil. I still wonder what he’s thinking but, it’s still early days. I certainly don’t get the sense that he’s seeing other people, or wants to. But I wonder what his plans are for when he finishes his studies. I suppose there’s nothing I can do that can change his mind or influence his decision, so why bother fretting about it? 

I try and think back to the days of when I was dating before, how long were me and Chris seeing each other before we made things official? I know it was encouraged by his mum, I don’t think Phil has the same sort of relationship with his. I’m not sure. But either way, it’s not fair to compare because everyone is so different. I’ll probably wait until he brings it up first. Much like how I’ll wait before I say anything serious, as much as I’d like to. 

Sigh.

Goodness knows. I love the buzz that follows our time together but then I’ve the fearful thoughts of ‘maybe that was the last time’ which I just can’t push out of my mind. I wonder if I’ll meet his other family members? 

I hope I see his walls again. 

I don’t think he will fall for me. Why would he? He’s probably still hung up on his ex.