So. He didn't cancel and I had a truly wonderful evening.
I walked to the station we'd agree to meet at, it was raining but still busy and crowds of tourists swamped the streets preventing me from observing a friendly face. I felt nervous but calm as soon as I noticed someone who looked vaguely familiar approach the entrance and looked down at his phone. Sure enough, a notification appeared on my phone screen and I knew it was his silhouette standing looking about. I approached him and smiled as he beamed at me, I just couldn't stop giggling. He hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek which I gave him in turn and his cheeks flushed a little red. He is absolutely adorable.
I had booked a table at a nearby restaurant but we both decided it was perhaps a little early for dinner, so instead we went to a cocktail bar and as we reached the basement doors a couple was just leaving leaving a table free for us. I was happy with my choice, a trendy martini based bar with cool music and a nice buzz to it, blue painted and interesting artworks. He seemed to like it too although confessed he wasn't much of a cocktail drinker. With glasses in hand we both felt a lot more relaxed although even when I was walking next to him battling with my umbrella I felt at home. But sat in the moody lighting with groups of people sharing and dancing, we opened up and talked and talked. Laughed. Listened. About all sorts of wonderful things. I just couldn't stop looking at him- constantly thinking; 'I just want to love you so, so much.'
Utterly ridiculous, of course. I just, can't believe how much I like this person, so soon after meeting him. I don't remember ever feeling this way about Chris, but I know it's unfair to compare.
Before I knew it, two and a half hours had flown by and it was time to go to the cinema. We picked up some sandwiches to eat inside sneakily and went and managed to get some good seats at the back. I was concerned that it might be too weird a film but it was actually really well done and I think he liked it. We whispered to each other at points and all I could think about was wanting to touch his leg or hold his hand but to be honest, the film was too involved. If it had been boring, perhaps we would have spent it kissing, who knows. It was late but we went for another drink to talk about it a bit but ended up talking about lots of other things instead right up until the bar closed. He talked about things he wanted to do in his flat before he moved out this weekend, and said he wanted to invite me around to cook me dinner with wine. 'You can think about it if you like and let me know,' he smiled - I grinned 'I've thought about it right now and it's a yes!!' I almost shriek in excitement. We exchanged giggles and smiles and I felt the a sense of joy almost over-spilling from within me. Friday cannot come around quickly enough!!!
We walked around a bit afterwards but i'd missed my last tube again and had to get a taxi. We got to a street corned and shared passionate kisses - which were really, really good on this occasion and we were able to pull each other close and I touched his hair - it was delightful. I was buzzing in the taxi and called dad to tell him about how it had gone, which he was happy to hear. I also messaged Dan to rearrange plans, I was going to go and visit him but not only can I not afford the venture but I also don't want to. I can't have him confusing things again and messing up my mind. Not this time.
I know...it's too much, I know I need to dial it back significantly. But Phillip has brought out the youth in me suddenly, I'm tempted to say 'the old me.' It's his charm and his beautiful, beautiful smile. So easy to be around and I feel so calm. I'm just hooked...'I don't think i've ever seen you this happy!' a work colleague expressed as I told her about last night.
So tonight i'm meeting up with my brother and a couple of his friends to go and see a gig (which was meant to be for me and Chris originally.) Afterwards i'll be heading back to the old flat to pick up a couple of bits, including a games console that I might bring with me on Friday evening, if all still goes ahead. Then I'll get home and prepare/plan my attire for tomorrow! Of course, there is still an opportunity for all of this to fall through but for now, i'm enjoying 'this bit.'
I've no doubt that this evening the dawning sense of realization will come crashing in on me again and i'll worry and anxiety will surely set me to panic mode. But, maybe it will happen and maybe we will have another lovely evening. I'm just really excited to see his place, just to be in his space...so much...my god, I don't remember feeling this way before. Ever. God help me. This will be the end of me.
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