Overly tired.

Possibly one of the most amazing evenings of my life.

I wandered up the crowded streets and approached the station we agreed to meet and I watched a busker jam in the sunshine. He found me and we ambled back to his flat which was only a moment away, in an incredibly central part of the city. As we approached his building it was beautiful and grand, red brick with large wooden doors. He spoke of celebrities he'd seen coming and going from the nearby area and we walked down the large corridor. His flat was in the basement, It was a small but nice studio, a little dark and very boyish which was a little careworn to say the least but that could have been a result of moving flats, there were lots of boxes and packing stuff laid out in a rather disorganized way. But it didn't really matter about his surroundings of course, it was him I was interested in. We stood in his little kitchen area and drank the rest of some homemade flavored vodka which I enjoyed and then poured vodka and cokes. I haven't had vodka in years but it was a nice change. He reminds me a little of Stev actually, a little bit in his face structure, body and eating/drinking and habits, which is interesting. We chatted lots and then made dinner together, standing as we ate, it was so good. He is so charming, I felt very at ease around him. I got the sense that he hasn't entertained much, which is endearing. Among the papers and books there were a couple of trinkets that must have belonged to a previous girlfriend as they were the only real items of colour. He didn't seem embarrassed admitting this, but I do wonder how long ago it was. I'm sure I will learn of this in time.

We played a few games on the console I had brought and we laughed and drank lots, he won more times than me eventhough it was his first time and enjoyed joking about it. I felt an overwhelming urge to kiss him and pointed to the part of his cheek as I asked. He smiled and nodded, after-which he asked me to do it again and his lips suddenly met mine and that was it, passionate make out session like teenagers on his sofa. The clothes came off so easily, his body was incredible, by far the most impressive i've ever seen with my own eyes and before I knew it he picked me up and the rest was a blur of pleasure. He was powerful yet insecure, he was generous and incredibly complimentary which was adorable. Dirty words fell easily from his lips which I enjoyed hearing, there was a part of me that wondered if perhaps due to his lovely personality, he might be a little timid but this was not the case.

Hugging him and holding him felt so natural, I was aware I might be crossing a line into real intimacy, the kind that Dan didn't allow or encourage and as he let me in, I felt a real glow and warmth from within myself. The following morning felt so nice waking up next to him, though I think he has troubles with sleeping soundly. I didn't feel self conscious being bare faced around him at all, and whilst we were gradually waking up we talked some more. He made me breakfast and we talked and talked until the early afternoon where I needed to get going as his dad was on his way to help him move the remainder of his things.


On Friday he's hopefully coming over to mine, which should be good! I'm looking forward to having him in my space...i'll write more about this soon. My eyes are failing me.


I am so tired. I took two of those antidepressants in as many days and although I felt no anxiety, I have been unable to sleep. It is awful. I am going to stop taking them, I forget about side effects, at least being anxious 95% of the time gives me a solids nights sleep from exhaustion.