Love at first sight

Lots to say, but I haven't really been in the mood to type much. It's been on the back burner, and how I should probably get things off my chest but then again, I think it might be because i'm happy.


Yes, it's related to a guy and yes, i'm aware how stupid it sounds. I never really believed in love at first sight before but this individual is different.
I'm sure in a number of weeks things will fizzle out, or perhaps he'll tell me how he isn't 'in that place' or, something will crop up meaning he'll move far away but as pessimistic as my mind is, I don't much mind at the moment. I'm just reveling in these delightful notions, excitement and chemistry.
We've had a week or two of in-depth conversations through the superficial dating app; Tinder. When his photo came up there was something about him I just really, really liked. But his profile didn't have much information about him, only that he had a PhD pending and a little joke referring to one of his pictures. I soon learnt that he was charming and kind and I felt so excited when I saw a new message from him on my phone. I decided to be ballsy and asked him if he fancied meeting for a drink, he agreed excitedly, saying that he had wanted to ask too but had got a bit nervous. We arranged a location and a date; met at 6.30, I wasn't home until 2am. We just talked and talked and talked. I couldn't stop looking at him, completely and totally enamored by him. When he first approached me I just felt a wave of calm come over me and just one word in my mind; 'Yes!' - gorgeous head of ginger hair, bright blue eyes and the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. But above all, he is possibly the most lovely and polite person I have ever met in my life. I just didn't want the evening to end. Of course the thought crossed my mind of maybe going to either of our places, because that's usually how I feel when a date has gone well, but he seems far too gentlemanly for that. And what's the rush anyway? We walked to a cash-point as I needed to get a taxi home, it was very late and I had missed the last tube but I didn't care. He joined me, in the noisy chaotic streets of Piccadilly and as we reached the point where we were to go our separate ways, we awkwardly stood there smiling and I put my hand around his waist (- felt so good - my god, he's got the most incredible body, I shouldn't pay any attention to this, it's not about that, but sweet lord - he's incredible) 'I want to kiss you,' I said quietly, 'please,' he smiled and then we kissed. It wasn't the most amazing kiss ever, which was a shame but I'm putting it down to first date nerves. We were right in front of a restaurant window, people everywhere, it wasn't the perfect scene. But he was.
I knew as soon as his eyes first met mine that I was going to fall hard and fast for this guy - he's almost too perfect for me. I've no doubt he will destroy me emotionally but for now, I can't ignore this wonderful feeling - it really does feel like love. People will tell me that it's not, but I feel it already deep within myself. This isn't just lust. It's a genuine respect and intrigue into his character and personality, I just want to know everything about him and just be with him constantly - it's a greedy desire I can't believe I feel after just one date! I'm sure i'll read this back in a few weeks and roll my eyes in a big way, so dramatic, so naive. But, we've another date tomorrow evening and I am so, ridiculously excited already. I booked a table for dinner at this cute restaurant I like, I'm hoping he'll like it too. He may have been before already! It's difficult choosing places to go because you don't want it to be too out there that it will look pretensions, or too safe that it appears uninspired. Then I've booked tickets to go and see a movie. A classic combo really, can't go much wrong. However I think the film might be a bit weird and it's also on until late in the eve too, he might get too tired! But anyway, we'll have plenty of time to talk beforehand which is good. I hope we can kiss again. I'm wondering what to wear, I just want to look the best I could possibly look! I love this bit - the looking forward. I have missed this. Of course, he could cancel. He might actually be a right piece of work, who knows. Why is he single!? He's just...perfect. Why isn't he married already!? I hate to say it, but there must be some sort of catch? As daft as it sounds, I look forward to finding out. It's like nothing can shake me out of this mood.


He talks and types the same as me, which I love. He types many, many words, just like me - which I also love. I get the feeling we're rather similar but he's far more intelligent and he's been to so many amazing parts of the world. I feel so boring in comparison. But he's so encouraging with my artwork and he's always asking me questions. 'I can't imagine your beautiful personality ever fading!' He said. Warms me to the bone, he does. We've already made plans to play games on my console (which is still at the old flat, I must go and collect it, god.) And he's keen to see my place, which is a nice sign. He's so bloody polite there's a part of me that wonders if he's too nice to be honest and tell me the opposite!
I feel so broken and in need of repair, but he's magically piecing me back together again.
I got prescribed some anti depressants but i've not yet taken any, I might just hang fire and see if I get a bit better on my own.


'Don't let your happiness depend on something you might loose' does ring through my mind...I just hope he doesn't let me down like other's have in the past. But, I don't believe he will. Just got to take it day by day and enjoy every moment possible.