HEART ON MY SLEEVE

We wandered in the park, we sat at looked out over the ponds as the sun went down on another warm, sunny afternoon. We ate, we drank, we shared, we kissed, I took a couple of instant photos with my camera to add to my collection which made me feel so giddy. As it turned to dusk we walked to try and find an exit, fearing we would have to have camped inside all night but it wasn't a real concern. It was just so light and fun. We went back to mine and he met my housemates at last, they were getting tipsy making strong gin and tonics. We ate oven pizza and listened to their stories, I enjoyed looking over at him as he smiled and laughed with them, asked them questions and was generally being as lovely and genuine as he usually is. We crashed out at 3am and woke up late, talking and gradually getting ready for a lazy Sunday ahead which we spent in the sunshine, talking, eating ice creams. I was sad when he had to venture back home as it forced me to face reality again and then the tiredness hit. When i'm with him, i'm so captivated by him I don't feel anything other than excitable, chatty and happy. Sleepiness is buried deep within but takes little encouragement when the lights go out, I enjoy resting my head on his chest as we fall into dreams.
He is so beautiful inside and out. I am scared for my emotions which I can't shield anymore. This feels as real as when my eyes first met his and the more time we spend together the more I want to be with him and I can't stop my mind from jumping ahead, picturing the adventures, him meeting my parents, what our flat would be like, weaving each other in our routines...it's awful, I wish I could put the breaks on but I can't - he's opened up the old me, the one who only wanted to scrawl loveydovey diary pages at the end of a school day with pictures and sketches, who doodled love hearts and would gaze off into the distance during classes. I hadn't noticed that I had hidden her away for a while, but he's brought her back out of her shell.
I'm allowing myself to be freer with spending, because i'm happy - I'm not obsessing on 'where I should be in my life' no, i'm just rolling with it - I don't care, I just want to enjoy every moment with him and get carried away in my daydreams, foolishly I'm sure. It will be a pain like no ever if it ends, and it might, nothing is certain - I need to keep reminding myself of these things, nothing is ever perfect. But for now, why not coast off this high and allow myself to be passionate and carefree?