Feeling slightly more normal

Hello again anxiety my old friend. It was a good 3 days holiday from you but now you're back and I suppose that means my usual solid nights sleep will be back too, which i'm welcoming with open arms. That whirring sensation in the pit of my stomach, making me feel like something bad is going to happen...it's persistently reminding me not to relax. But, I don't really know a way around this, now i've had the briefest experience with tablet 'relief' and I didn't like it at all, what else is there? This is me, I suppose. Some people have chronic pain, some people find it hard to laugh or smile, I guess this is one of those things i'll just have to put up with, much like everyone else in the world who just struggles on.
I've some art commissions to be working on, they're nothing big or fancy but i've been ignoring them and it's time I got on with it, especially now I have a desk in place. I'm nervous about them, i'm worried it's taking me too long. The lady who requested them seems to be very patient and is still looking forward to seeing my ideas, so that's nice. But, I still feel guilty. This is why I could never do this as a profession. I just suck at it!


Mine and Phil's conversations have escalated a little since our last encounter, and i'm enjoying learning more about him. We seem to have two strands of conversation, the pleasant get to know each other chit chat and another, more lustful and visual. It's good fun, I feel comfortable doing it and not pressured unlike how I have done in the past with Dan. He also makes me feel so beautiful and desired, which really makes me smile. Of course, there is still every chance that this will fizzle out or he'll be an idiot or he's just wanting to take what he can get and then run for the hills, sure. But now, I've got to try and enjoy it as much as I can possibly allow. For this day could be my last.