Tears

I can't remember crying as much as I have over the past couple of weeks, and last night was no exception.

When I got in from work, I laid down on the sofa and closed my eyes and soon drifted to sleep. I awoke to the door opening and he came in and sat with me on the floor and we talked. I told him about the room and that I liked it. We talked for hours and concluded that it we should end it. Nothing could break my heart more than seeing him cry. No question. Just sitting there, so powerless, nothing can be said to undo the harm and the hurt. As soon as he calmed, then it was my turn and waves of tears streamed down my cheeks, sobs deep from within, I couldn't breath.

We knew it going in, but now that it's said and been done, it feels so final. I suppose it is.

We haven't talked about what's going to happen next, it's all too raw. But we will need to let the landlord know and will need to figure out how to divide up our things...god, it's too much to think about all that. It's just, very surreal.



When I got to work this morning, my colleague asked how I was doing and I cried a bit. I had made no effort in terms of clothing or make-up, I went bare faced, my pink, blotchy face for all of the city to see/ignore. Just didn't feel any desire. I've eaten so much comfort food but nothing seems to be helping, apart from work itself. I think the routine is a saving grace and i'm glad I didn't call in sick like I was considering as I blearily turned off my alarm.


My brother's coming to meet me after work, it'll be good to see him and talk things through a bit. Then I'll go home. I'm not sure what I'll do...