Opportunity disguised as loss?

I felt indifferent wondering about the opulently framed portraits of the National Portrait Museum with my brother. Although i was happy to be there with him, of course. I forget about all these cultural things that are right on my doorstep, no less than a 10 min walk away from my office front door. I should do more of that. The waves of sadness and numbness still roll over me, but they are less frequent. We walked together to the station, chatting and mulling things over and I got home and saw him sat at the table eating a bowl of cereal. We talked about our days, the woes and frustrations of work and eventually asked how we were both doing. Soon we were talking openly, both on the same page at last. Now that everything is out in the open, we both feel a bit of relief. We even shared a laugh or two. And a hug. I told him about the flat and that I was thinking about going for it, he said he felt it was a good idea. We discussed the furniture and how we'd divide everything up, but smiled at each others generosity and that neither of us wanted to be petty or unkind, just wanted it to be fair.
He shared a little bit of what his mum had told him on the phone earlier on, and that she said there was going to be a lot of shit times to follow. But when we looked at each other I like to think that we've got the worst of it out of the way. The bills, the money, the moving stuff out will be ever so sad, but, I know we want to make it as pleasant as possible for each other. He even said I could stay the night before my driving test if I wanted to. Whether it will seem appropriate at the time well, i'm not sure. I welled up hearing this and said that I still wanted him to be a part of my life, and hoped that we could be friends. He cried a bit, I was concerned but he said it was really nice to hear and wanted the same. He said we could imagine hanging out still, I can see it too.


So, i've emailed the landlord this morning and sent off all the references for the new flat. All should be fine but whenever I send my bank statements to anyone, I do start to worry a bit, I mean, what are they really looking for? I'm worried there will be a reason that it'll all be denied for some reason or another. But we'll wait and see.


Last night we agreed we wanted things to stay 'as normal' so this evening I think we're going to do our standard Friday evening, some pizza and games. Tomorrow morning I'll be meeting my brother in London and then we'll venture back home together. We're meeting dad and spending the day together all of us and then spending Sunday with mum for mothers day. I'm looking forward to a weekend away from everything, although I worry that my thoughts and fears will catch up with me. I worry for Chris too. It's all so terribly sad and I am scared for the future.


I'm hoping this situation is a case of opportunity disguised as loss... Possibly. I'm not sure. Just taking things day by day at the moment.