Having fun

Living with you is fun and I feel we share many fun moments on a daily basis. Although I’d love nothing more than to arrange more fun things together, I don’t think we’ll ever be able to get back to how we used to be, because we’re not the same people now.

I don’t think ‘having fun’ will change where we both stand in terms of our future and I’m not sure I can see past that.

If we stay keeping on as we are until October, I think we’ll have a great time – because we’re best friends. I think we could do it easily. But should we? I feel there will always be this underlying feeling. Is it really fair on either of us?

Are we making each other as happy as we could be?

I think we might have changed and I think we’ve grown apart.

I’m thinking about moving out

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A relationship is not a set of stairs where every development is either a step up or down. Moving out is just a development. Only the circumstances of every particular case will tell whether it's good or bad. Oftentimes it's both. Your relationship is yours. Set your own goals and boundaries. Plot your own course. The anonymous throngs of the internet cannot tell you if you are doing it right.

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'I don’t think a break is the answer, especially because you two live together. I don’t see that break accomplishing anything other than it being the start of your actual breakup and making it so that you can move on with your lives.

It sounds like you both communicate about the problem and try to fix it, but it’s not working- which leads me to believe that this has run its course. The only last thing I see MAYBE helping is couples counseling. It can help layout what you both want/need and how to achieve that. But it kinda sounds like you’ve both talked about that and nothing is changing.

Neither of you are fulfilled by the relationship itself. And you have a list of things you want to add to your relationship and you’re no closer to that. I think adding any of those things at this point would be adding stress and adding something that makes it more difficult to get out of an already sinking relationship.

You have nothing binding you together at this point other than years of history, emotional bond and 9 months left on a lease (which can be worked around.) Do not add something in hopes of turning things around, it will not do so and would likely make things worse and harder to get out of.

It sounds like you have both grown and changed and just don’t fit together anymore. That happens. I think it’s time.

Edit: if you are unable to breakup, I think you should definitely move out like you were thinking. This give you space to think things through and gives you some independence. It could even possibly be what you need to fix things. That way it kinda makes it feel like you’re dating in the early days. Move out, don’t talk a lot, give yourself 2 weeks to yourself to think and then if you want to work it out, maybe start setting actual dates once a week. One those dates, dress up and do something fun - try to impress each other like you would if you were dating someone new. That way there is anticipation and build up to the date and you have stuff to talk about. Sometimes drastic change and getting back to your roots is what you need to fix things.'

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I just went through this. Granted my ex was talking to a co worker but before that started we had the same problems.

It’s good you are communicating the problems. She never communicated the problems. I noticed them and started making strides to fix things such as more date nights putting her wants in front of my own to make it work but she was 5 months into talking to a co worker. You need to have a real talk about the future. If he shuts you down you need to really tell him like hey this needs to change if we’re going to work. If my ex would have done that earlier we would probably be together.

We decided to do a break while living together don’t do that it sucked. I moved out and got off the lease granted she was cheating so that is different on my end.

Space worked for me. We grew into different people. She was concerned about dates, vacations, goin out with friends, eating out 2-3 times a week. I realized I want a family, house and to start that next step. While she said she wanted that she did not want to save money but go out. So we grew apart. I’m pretty happy now miss her everyday, she was my best friend and we don’t talk anymore. I’m moving 7 hours away Tuesday she knows and hasn’t reached out but just shows she doesn’t care and moved on.

I hope this helps if you want to talk Pm me. I always have access to my phone.'