Caved in

So I gave in. I messaged. 

I thought I would hate myself for it but I actually feel a bit better. Because if he doesn’t reply then I will have my answer. ‘Hey I hope you don’t mind me messaging but I just wanted to check to see if you were ok? I feel lame asking but I realise what I wrote before was a bit intense (it wasn’t,) and not hearing anything since had me wondering!’ 

I know I know I knowwww I shouldn’t even be going there. But I want to know sooner rather than later, the nerves the whole situation has stirring up in me is almost too much to bare and I’d rather him say it how it is. I’ll probably end up feeling foolish like I usually do, but I don’t know, maybe he’s met someone new or something and doesn’t know how to tell me. So I’m giving him the opportunity. Still, it’s only been 4 days or whatever, we’ve gone weeks in the past of not saying a word. 

If he says nothing...it’ll be so frustrating but, I suppose it’ll be more than words themselves. Like I’ve said before, he kinda has everything he wants from me, he used me, I let him, so I need to let it go. 

I’m going to try and force myself to avoid my phone once again but it will be hard as it always is. Especially when work is so full. Sigh. I hope today goes quick...