He opened his door to me with a cheeky grin and I was hit by the noise from his television and the fresh smell of his showered body. We embraced and he let the door slam as we tipsily kissed without any awkward pauses or small talk. ‘I missed you.’ Words i never thoyght id hear him say. This time felt so much more relaxed he was at ease and comfortable. I held his face in my hands naturally and he touched my hair, said it looked nice, asked if I had done something different with it. He wanted to keep kissing but I was too eager to take my coat off. We played games in our usual fashion and talked easily about Christmas and general anecdotes. I enjoy talking to him, I realise he listens and I wondered if he generally started to feel more relaxed around me. Could be the alcohol though, possibly.
I drank every time he scored a goal or I let one in (often,) we both made strong refills and soon it was a blur of raw intimacy.
Nobody does it better, he just knows my body so well. You would never think it in his day to day ways, how he carries himself. Clean cut, professional, not a hair out of place but when the curtains are drawn he has many dark kinks, quirks and desires. Secrets I shouldn’t know.
I dreamt vivid dreams and they felt so real they might have been mixed in with the reality of last night, I can’t be sure. I shouldn’t drink as much.
This morning we wake at the same time, both early birds and he gets up and makes us breakfast and we sit and eat watching Friends. I’m easy to please but he’s the only person I’ve been with who’s made me breakfast. I admired his beauty in fleeting moments as he looked away or down at his plate. He’s so vain, he knows it but I’m enamoured by his eyes and perfect skin, it’s almost as if he glows.
Mornings pass quickly, I enjoy being in his space but I shouldn’t be there so I want to leave as soon as I can that doesn’t look rude. I think he understands but we don’t discuss it at all. He doesn’t pry and I appreciate that he doesn’t, but if he were to ask I would share.
He pottered about, packed a gym bag and dropped me at the station in his car. He always takes a while to get out of his door but this time as we said our goodbye we kissed and hugged and as I pulled away he held my arm that moved to my hand and he gave it a little squeeze. I wish he’d say what I see in his eyes. If I read them right of course, I mean, I still can’t completely figure him out. He looked in his phone and suggested a date, 3 weeks away. It shouldn’t have made me feel what I felt but I couldn’t hide my smile. This time we spent together felt different, he’s usually a bit vague and ‘busy’ but this time he was there, with me. I wonder if the game is dropping off a little....but of course, it could change as it often does.
‘Imagine if we lived together’ I see appear in a banner above on my screen. There’s a pause and I wonder if that’s it, my heart starts racing, but calms at the words that follow which joke about our evening antics but, I wonder if he honestly thinks about that. I do sometimes as I look up at his ceiling, I don’t think he’s ever lived with a girlfriend before.
We joked about his appalling taste in music as he played Busted on the updated, expensive sound system. One of the most balanced set of speakers I’ve ever heard in my life - I doubt I’ll ever hear anything better, it’s surely a sin that some of my favourite bands will never be played within his car interior. What I would give!
He liked talking about my driving lessons and said he was excited for when I pass. He pondered ‘if you pass in March I’ll get you something, if you pass in April I’ll get you something else, but not as big as March, so that could help motivate you a bit,’ I joked about a car but brushed it off. He said he wanted my bank details to reimburse me for my recent visits. I scooted around it and said I’d give them to him some time soon but I won’t. I mean, it’s sweet of him to offer and although I really could do with the money I don’t want him to know that. Again, my pride gets in the way.
But, as expensive as it all is, I know it going in and deserve the poverty afterwards.
I’ve got a driving lesson this afternoon.
I’m a little nervous as I hope I’m in the right mood for it, I’ve just got to focus and concentrate. Hopefully it’ll go okay.
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